Survey Says...

I have been accused (unjustly), from time to time, of exaggerating (or completely fabricating) different aspects of my colleagues' personalities (and personality disorders). So, with that in mind, I recently sent out a survey with some important questions that I think will give you a true glimpse into the minds of the people behind Brooklyn baseball. Now you can judge them on their own words and thoughts, and I can't be held accountable:

(OK...I couldn't hold myself completely back, so I made a few of my own comments in parenthetical italics.)

CELEBRITY CRUSH
Brandy: George Clooney
Chris: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Dave: Minka Kelly
Gary: Kelly Rippa
John: Minka Kelly (back off, stalker)
Joyce: Rob Dyrdek, Barry Zito, Seth Meyers, Anderson Cooper
Katie: Justin Timberlake, Derek Jeter, Peyton Manning, Vince Vaughn - the list never ends
Kevin: Carrie Underwood
KJ: Bar Rafaeli, Megan Fox, Christina Hendricks, January Jones. All-Time: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Sophia Loren
Liz: Kellan Lutz, Christian Ronaldo, Jason Statham
Olena: Ricky Viola
Pat: Christina Hendricks
Ricky: Carmen Wong Ulrich
Steve: Elizabeth Hurley
Tatiana: Brad Pitt

MOST EMBARRASSING SONG ON YOUR IPOD
Brandy: Brandy (Just kidding. She left that one blank)
Chris: Dracula's Lament
Dave: Hello - Lionel Ritchie
Gary: Probably all the Hannah Montana songs
John: Miley Cyrus...I can't remember the name of the song, but I like it
Joyce: Some people think that NSYNC is embarrassing. But not me.
Katie: Spice Girls (the whole first album)
Kevin: Don't own an iPod
KJ: I Want You Back - N*Sync
Liz: It's not just one song...it's the entire New Kids on the Block playlist, which includes their new album. OMG, it's AWESOME!
Olena: Don't have an iPod
Pat: The Newsies Soundtrack
Ricky: Nothing. It's my iPod and I have perfect taste in music
Steve: What's an "iPod?"
Tatiana: Coco Jambo - Mr. President

LEAST FAVORITE SPORT
Brandy: Cheerleading...I mean does it count as a sport?
Chris: Baseball (or anything played in the sunlight)
Dave: The one where cars go in circles
Gary: Synchronized Swimming
John: NBA basketball. I love college basketball, but I hate the NBA. NASCAR would be a close second if you can call that a sport
Joyce: To watch...golf. To do...anything is less fun than the alternative option of eating.
Katie: To watch...tennis. To play...marathon running.
Kevin: Soccer
KJ: Hockey
Liz: UFC...it's a little too bloody
Olena: Rushing to work
Pat: Hockey
Ricky: Weightlifting
Steve: Car racing
Tatiana: Counting money

LUCKY NUMBER
Brandy: 22 or 17 (my volleyball numbers)
Chris: Any number...I love to COUNT
Dave: 17
Gary: 23
John: 9
Joyce: 3
Katie: 3 or 8 or 38 or 83 or...you get it -- my birthday is 8/30/83
Kevin: 11
KJ: 9
Liz: 5
Olena: 7
Pat: 24
Ricky: 49
Steve: 7. It always seems to come up at the craps table
Tatiana: 13

YOUR FANTASY BASEBALL TEAM’S NAME
Brandy: Pass the Roids
Chris: Vampirical Evidence
Dave: Mex's Mashers
Gary: G-Men
John: I actually have never had a fantasy baseball team. My fantasy hockey team's name is the Labatt Blueshirts
Joyce: J-Money
Katie: Front Office Female
Kevin: Irish Beer Drinkers
KJ: The Middlemen
Liz: The Red Bulls
Olena: Spice Boys
Pat: Changes with the season
Ricky: Don't have one
Steve: NA
Tatiana: Crazy Hot Dogs

GUILTY PLEASURE
Brandy: True Blood
Chris: Sleeping the day away in my coffin
Dave: One Tree Hill
Gary: Pizza
John: I listen to Kelly Clarkson a little bit more than I probably should. Her new song, by the way...phenomenal
Joyce: America's Best Dance Crew (She calls and texts her votes in. Seriously.)
Katie: perezhilton.com, reality TV, and Thin Mints Girl Scout Cookies
Kevin: Happy Hour
KJ: Christo's Steakhouse in Astoria. Underrated and under the radar.
Liz: perezhilton.com
Olena: Candies. A lot of candies
Pat: Justin Timberlake
Ricky: Lots of exercise
Steve: Writing on the promo board after business hours
Tatiana: Night swimming

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (MOTHER & FATHER’S MIDDLE NAMES)
Brandy: Anne James
Chris: Van Helsing
Dave: Anthony Mary
Gary: Lucille John (apparently Gary's DEEP under cover)
John: Kenneth Firpo
Joyce: Blossoming Lilly Rising Sun
Katie: Marie Joseph
Kevin: Joseph Ann
KJ: Augustus Meyer
Liz: Barbara Anthony
Olena: Hidme
Pat: Francis Trumbull
Ricky: My father doesn't have a middle name, so I just wear a wig and call myself "Joyce."
Steve: Lynn Seymor
Tatiana: Sofia Teresa Blanco

SUPERHERO NAME (FAVORITE COLOR, FAVORITE ANIMAL)
Brandy: The Green Jaguar
Chris: The Black Vampire Bat
Dave: The Blue Tiger
Gary: The Enabler, gold & green (I don't think Gary understood the question)
John: The Pink Chipmunk
Joyce: The Red Pony
Katie: The Fuchsia Ewe
Kevin: The Green Dog
KJ: The Orange Dog
Liz: The Red Cheetah
Olena: Super Panda
Pat: The Blue Dragon
Ricky: The Blue Suckerfooted Bat
Steve: The Turquoise Dog
Tatiana: Mickey Mouse

IF I COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, IT WOULD BE…
Brandy: to see the future
Chris: Immortality
Dave: telekinesis
Gary: to fly (save on gas and tolls)
John: to sell 300,000 tickets in one day
Joyce: to magically heal wounds, even lethal and/or psychological ones
Katie: teleportation
Kevin: to fly
KJ: super intelligence (maybe then you could actually hang out with Joyce. Maybe.)
Liz: to see the future (like Alice Cullen)
Olena: reading minds
Pat: flight
Ricky: to turn people plaid
Steve: to fly, so I can avoid the Belt Parkway
Tatiana: super speed

JESSICA SIMPSON IS…
Brandy: still popular?
Chris: someone with a very nice neck
Dave: still cute
Gary: beautiful
John: apparently gaining weight
Joyce: my age
Katie: messing up, from a marketing standpoint
Kevin: fat
KJ: still looking for the BBD (bigger, better deal)
Liz: overrated and overpaid, but has great hair!
Olena: a girl
Pat: singing at a chili cook-off
Ricky: hotter now that she has gained some weight
Steve: dating Tony Romo?
Tatiana: not my hero at all

WHAT YOU’RE DOING AT WORK WHEN NO ONE’S WATCHING
Brandy: Googling. I don't follow celebrity gossip, which makes it hard to follow Joyce's convos
Chris: Drinking blood
Dave: Blogging about my co-workers
Gary: Filling out surveys like this for Dave
John: There are cameras in the TO. Someone is always watching.
Joyce: I don't know what that's like. Steve stands behind my desk 15 minutes a day, asking questions I can't answer while he eats my food.
Katie: Filling out lame surveys
Kevin: wondering what Ricky is thinking about
KJ: Practicing my crime-fighting moves from instructional YouTube videos
Liz: I'm locked in the Gallery by myself...need I say more? (Yes)
Olena: Watching others
Pat: Plotting against Dave (I'm in your head!)
Ricky: Buying cement for my "fishing trips"
Steve: Trying to figure out what people are doing when they think no one's watching
Tatiana: On the phone with my boyfriends

HOT DOG TOPPING - MUSTARD OR KETCHUP?
Brandy: Mustard
Chris: Blood
Dave: Mustard
Gary: Mustard
John: Both
Joyce: Hollandaise sauce and fried onions
Katie: Ketchup
Kevin: Mustard
KJ: Spicy mustard
Liz: I only eat hot dogs once a year, so i usually get a little crazy with my toppings...mustard, ketchup AND sauerkraut
Olena: Ketchup
Pat: Both
Ricky: Mustard
Steve: Spicy Mustard
Tatiana: Mustard

JENNIFER ANISTON OR ANGELINA JOLIE?
Brandy: Jennifer Aniston
Chris: The one who wore a necklace of blood
Dave: Angie
Gary: Jennifer Aniston
John: Really this question should involve Jessica Alba, but I'll go with Jennifer Aniston. I've never really seen the big deal with Angelina Jolie
Joyce: Team Aniston, pre-obnoxious-John-Mayer era
Katie: Jennifer
Kevin: Aniston
KJ: Aniston. She's a New Yorker!
Liz: Team Jolie
Olena: Jennifer for sure
Pat: Brad Holt
Ricky: Angelina Jolie
Steve: Jennifer
Tatiana: Jennifer Aniston

TUPAC OR BIGGIE?
Brandy: um...If I don't say Biggie I think Ricky will make me swin with the fishes
Chris: Depends how hungry I am
Dave: Pac
Gary: Neither
John: I have absolutely no opinion on this question
Joyce: The one who knew California likes to party
Katie: Notorious
Kevin: Neither - I am a redneck
KJ: Although I don't like Puffy, It's Biggie. Tupac would have been a big movie star if he lived; brilliant mind and talent.
Liz: Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me...
Olena: Can't make up my mind
Pat: Q-Tip
Ricky: Come on. I'm from Brooklyn.
Steve: Flo Rida
Tatiana: Ivanushki International

BLONDES, BRUNETTES, OR REDHEADS?
Brandy: Brunettes
Chris: As red as blood
Dave: Brunettes
Gary: The color of my wife's hair
John: I don't discriminate. When I was younger I had a think for blondes, but I got over it.
Joyce: I pay attention to more meaningful qualities...like the face. (And SAT scores)
Katie: Blondes
Kevin: Yes
KJ: 1) Brunette 2) Redhead 3) Blonde
Liz: Brunettes
Olena: Blonde
Pat: Reds
Ricky: Brunettes
Steve: Whatever my wife is at the time
Tatiana: Brunettes and blondes and others

BATMAN OR JOKER?
Brandy: Heath Ledger?
Chris: I like anything having to do with bats
Dave: Bats
Gary: Batman
John: Adam Graves...I exclusively watched sports as a child. (And hockey, I guess)
Joyce: Batman
Katie: Robin
Kevin: Batman
KJ: Please...the Dark Knight
Liz: Batman
Olena: Batman
Pat: Caped Crusader
Ricky: The Joker
Steve: Joker
Tatiana: Batman

PLAIN, PEPPERONI, OR OTHER?
Brandy: Chicken & pineapple or BBQ chicken
Chris: The meatier, the better
Dave: Pepperoni
Gary: Pepperoni
John: Pepperoni or sausage
Joyce: Artichoke hearts
Katie: Ham and pineapple
Kevin: Pepperoni
KJ: Pepperoni and meatball. Try Singas Famous Pizza in Queens -- SOOOOOO good!
Liz: Mushrooms and proscuitto
Olena: Vegetable
Pat: Pep
Ricky: Pepperoni
Steve: Broccoli
Tatiana: Pepperoni

-- Dave