Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Open House

This coming Sunday, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., the Brooklyn Cyclones will be holding an Open House to show potential Mini Plan & Season Ticket Holders exactly how awesome the view from their seats can be. No appointments necessary.

As you know, there are no bad seats in our house, and the views really are as awesome as advertised. Buy a plan with us, and you'll get the best of the best. You’ll sit so close, you’ll feel like you can wink at the pitcher, and he’ll actually see you. So close, you can detect whether the visiting team’s third baseman has been using his ProActiv regularly. So close, you’ll be able to whisper sweet nothings into the catcher’s ear.

The other advantage of our Open House is that you’ll finally get to meet face-to-face the members of the otherwise closed-off Ticket Office (I know you’ve been dying). We will all be present and ready to personally show you your seats and go over all the different options with you. To describe what you’ve been missing all this time, let me give you a brief, but wholly accurate, rundown of the T.O. members:

John Haley: the only one of us to boast a collegiate athletic career and a graduate of the distinguished Wesleyan University, John is at first a rock of stoicism who has trouble expressing effusive emotion. When you meet him in person, you can break down this wall by bringing up the following subjects, which will henceforth be referred to in this blog entry as...
Small talk tips: the NY Rangers, the legality of economic product bundling, inebriated crowds of girls who try to cling to him after Mets games (he denies this phenomenon, but I’ve witnessed it firsthand), and the charity bocce tournament he’s running this season at one of our games.

Patrick Toy: the self-elected “most lovable” member of the T.O., this native of New Hampshire displays an affable face and courteous demeanor that belie a rapier wit and quiet, seething judgment of your smallest faults (such as my tendency to not realize that he’s talking to me, after he’s spent twenty minutes explaining something, and my forcing him to start over). Like his doppelganger, Seth Rogen, Pat is quite funny, but his jokes don’t come on command (I’ve tried).
Small talk tips: anything and anyone from New Hampshire, and fantasy baseball. If you bring up fantasy players from New Hampshire, you will be his new soulmate.

Brandy Bercier: easily the most polite member of the group, She of the Enviable Hair is an undercover Red Sox fan (oops) and another native of New Hampshire. Brandy is a well-mannered, doe-eyed college grad, so be gentle with her and don’t go scaring her with tales of your down-and-dirty, streets-of-Brooklyn shenanigans. Ricky.
Small talk tips: Theo Epstein, her post-skiing knee affliction, the Car Show she’s organizing on July 19th

Katie Grenda: the most loquacious and gregarious member of the group, this girl can talk about anything under the sun. A native of Indiana, Katie is an expert on everything Colts-related. She can also contribute to discourse on current events, the Problem With The Youth Today, and the travails of the dating scene (and who doesn’t relate to that?).
Small talk tips: none needed.

Chris Nervegna: the most irreplaceable member of the ticket office (sorry, Pat, “intangible qualities” don’t count), you likely won’t see Chris, since he’s also the busiest member. He processes all of the Season Ticket and Mini Plan orders, as well as keeps abreast of the technical ins and outs of our ticketing system, while making sure that all the money we say is there is actually there. His is a stressful job, but weirdly, he’s always smiling. But if you want to actually see him or speak to him, you better be a holder of 10 Season Tickets, because unlike with the rest of us, his time comes at a calculable premium.
Small talk tips: It’s best to just state your business.

Me: I spend a lot of my time making Excel spreadsheets for Steve that get largely ignored in favor of a simple answer to “How’re we doing in ticket sales?!?” (The only acceptable response: “Great.”)
Small talk tips: the regrettable fame of Paris Hilton, the hipster appeal of political essayists David Rakoff and Sarah Vowell, anything related to lunch.

So...I hope that this rundown has encouraged you to put our Open House on your calendar. And if, for some reason, it’s had the opposite effect, just know that that’s my actual picture on the website. Yup. I look exactly. Like. Lucy. Liu. Come find out for yourself.

-- Joyce

1 comment:

Lisa Gav said...

I think I might come by just to meet everyone!
The installment plan for the purchase of Season Tickets was one of the best ideas the Ticket Office had this year (I'm giving the TO the credit, no matter who might have actually come up with the idea).

Best money I spend all summer...